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Gets me goat, though—blokes think she’s just a tart. Nah, she’s a bleedin’ enigma! Runs rings round ‘em, cashin’ in while they’re gawpin’. Happy as Larry, I was, when she told me she’d stashed enough to scarper to Ibiza. Good on ‘er! Surprised me, too—thought she’d blow it on gin, but nope, savvy lass.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Kenji pops in. He’s like, “Yo, what’s up?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to lose my mind!” He laughs and says, “Let’s grab some ramen. You’ll feel better.”

Japanese wooden earthquake-proofing