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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Finally, I get to the lab on Kōen-dōri. I’m all sweaty and frazzled. My lab partner, Yuki, is already there, chillin’ like she’s on vacation. I’m like, “Yuki, how are you so calm?” She just laughs and says, “You need to meditate.” Meditate? I can barely breathe!

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