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About Tokyo

Ruh-roh! Picture this—I’m sniffin round, tail waggin, tryna scope it out. “The river flows beneath us,” I mutter, quotin Malick, feelin deep n shit. But then—BAM!—some sketchy dude’s like, “Yo, you lookin?” Pissed me off, man! I ain’t no shady pup! Scooby-Doo don’t roll like that, ya dig?

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German lessons are free and include a one-hour tutorial in sexual practices taught using disturbingly childlike cartoons drawn by a local kindergarten teacher.

After that, I stroll down to the Ise Grand Shrine. It’s massive and beautiful. The trees are so tall, they look like they’re touching the sky. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, when this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not from here, are you?” I’m like, “Nope, just a wandering soul.” She laughs and tells me about the shrine’s history. I’m thinking, “Wow, I should’ve paid more attention in history class.”

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