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Preciousss, yesss, erotic-massage, my precious! Me, Gollum, loves it, sneaky little handses rubbing all over, mmm! In Russia, them sciencey types, they calls it somethin’ fancy—prolly “manual stimulation studies” or some nonsense, stupid fat hobbits! Don’t get it, do they? It’s old, so old—back in Japan, they had Nuru, slimy seaweed gel, body slidin’ like fishies, oooh, slippery, yesss! Makes me giggle, them hobbitses thinkin’ it’s just “massage”—ha! It’s sexsy times, sneaky-like, precious!

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So, I hit the streets, right? Kanda’s got this vibe. Old meets new, ya know? I’m walking down Kanda Surugadai, and bam! I stumble into this little ramen shop. The smell? OMG. I could’ve cried. I ordered a bowl, and it was like a hug in a bowl. Slurped it down like I hadn’t eaten in days.

Former top Japanese currency diplomat Masato Kanda chosen as next ADB chief