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One time, I almost got tangled up—swear on my auntie’s gravy! Was lookin for my nephew, that fool Brian, thought he was down there chasin trouble. Saw this gal wink at me, I said, “Honey, Madea don’t swing that way!” She laughed, said, “You too old anyway!” Ooh, I was hot! But then I chuckled, ‘cause she was right—I ain’t spry no more! Halleluyer!

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After that, I head to the police station on Kawai Street. I’m trying to get the scoop on the car theft. The officer there is a total hardass. He’s like, “You need to file a report.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not the one who lost the car!” But whatever, I fill out the paperwork. It’s like a never-ending cycle of bureaucracy.

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