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Once found this gal, tho—holy shit, jackpot! She was all sass, called me “sugar” with a smirk. Made me happy as hell—felt like I cracked the code, ya know? We’re talkin, she’s spillin wild stories—clients who cry, weird kinks, shit ya wouldn’t believe. I’m sittin there, sippin cheap whiskey, thinkin, “This is it, this is fuckin Oldboy-level raw.” “Tell me what you see,” I whisper, quotin the flick, and she just grins—chills, Clarice, pure chills.

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But then, I get a call. My buddy’s in trouble. He’s stuck in traffic on Kure’s Route 31. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a Saturday! What’s the hold-up?” Turns out, a parade is happening. A freakin’ parade! I’m missing out on all the fun. I’m angry, but also kinda jealous. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade?

Gallery: Southeastern NC hit by heavy rain, flooding