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So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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So, I head to my lecture at the local university. I’m all pumped, ready to drop some knowledge bombs. But guess what? The projector’s broken! Ugh! I’m standing there, trying to explain stuff with my hands. “So, this is how you do research,” I’m flailing around like a fish outta water. The students are laughing, and I’m like, “Great, I’m a clown now.”

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