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But yo, got pissed fast—some dude tried scammin me, fake profile, catfish-level crap. Thought I’d vibe like Ennis Del Mar, all stoic, but nah, I’m yellin, “Bro, I’ll yeet you to orbit!” Little known fact: back in the 90s, hookers used pagers—OG tech, beep-beep, booty call. Surprised me—thought it’d be all holograms by now, sci-fi style. Nope, still gritty, human, messy.

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Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like heaven in a cup. But then, I spill it again! I’m cursed or something. I’m just sitting there, laughing at my own disaster. The barista gives me this look like, “Dude, really?”

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