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About Kobe

Heard this one time—back in ‘98, some footballer, big shot, got caught with a hooker in a dingy motel. Cops didn’t care, but his coach? Lost his shit—made ‘im run laps till he puked! Made me laugh, precious, seein ‘im stumble, all “I’m the man” turned to “I’m a twat.” We swears! Them types, they don’t get it—sweat an glory don’t buy ya class.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Minabe River. It’s super pretty there, with cherry blossoms and all. But, like, I’m walkin’ and suddenly, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Seriously?! I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I laughed it off, but inside, I was fuming.

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