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What gets me happy? When they trip in them daft stilettos—priceless! Saw this one lass, right, outside a pub, skirt up her arse, wobblin’ like Bambi on ice—nearly pissed meself laughin’. Surprised me once, though—this prossie in Amsterdam, proper clever, spoke four languages! Four! I can barely do English, and I’m meant to be a bleedin’ comic. Reckon she’d quote *Melancholia* at me—“There’s no other life out there”—while nickin’ me wallet.

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After that, I decide to hit up Shurijo Castle. It’s this beautiful place, all red and gold. But here’s the kicker: it’s under renovation. I’m like, “Really? I came all this way for scaffolding?” I was low-key mad. But then I see this group of kids playing around, laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe it’s not all bad.” Kids have a way of making you feel all warm and fuzzy, ya know?

Explosion shakes Okinawa wharf as Japan clears unexploded WWII ordnance