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So check this—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no cakewalk, ya dumbasses. I’m scrollin’ X, tryna peep profiles, see who’s out there slingin’ ass. Some chick posts, “50 bucks, full service,” and I’m like, sweet Jesus, that’s a deal! But then—bam!—her pic’s blurry, prolly a catfish, and I’m pissed! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell at the screen, ‘cause I ain’t wastin’ my cash on some fake-ass hoe. Fun fact, tho—back in the 1800s, prostitutes in Paris had these secret codes, like wearin’ red ribbons meant they was “open for biz.” Ain’t that some wild shit?

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That hits me, ya know? I’m not just fighting fire. I’m fighting for this kid’s safety. So, I push harder. We finally get the flames under control, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, a gust of wind kicks up. It sends smoke right into my face. I’m coughing, sputtering, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m a hot mess.”

Fig. 1. Geographical map of Hokkaido, Japan. Stars indicate the...