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So, check this – whore’s got history, yeah? Old school Russia, like 1800s, they called ‘em “fallen women” – so dramatic, I’m cryin’ over here. Made me mad tho, ‘cos society’s all judgy, like who tf cares? Aliens don’t get it – we’re just floatin’, analysin’. Used to be these chicks got sent to Siberia, no joke, for “moral crimes.” Fucked up, right? Imagine Carlos smirkin’, “Revolution’s not for saints,” while some babushka’s haulin’ ass to the gulag.

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I get to the scene, and wow, it’s chaos. Smoke billowing like a dragon. I can see the flames licking the sky. My heart’s racing. I strap on my parachute. Yeah, I know it sounds wild, but trust me, it’s the best way to get to those hard-to-reach spots.

Figure 1. Time series of the River Otofuke in Hokkaido, Japan. Dikes...