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Fun fact—did ya know some old-school hookers used code? Like, “roses” for bucks—$50? “Gimme 50 roses, hon.” Sneaky, right? Adds that spice, makes ya feel like a damn spy. Anyway, we’re chattin’, she’s spillin’ tea—says her last john was a weepy tech bro, cried about his startup tankin’. I’m laughin’—what a loser! Me? I’m in it for the rush, the power—greed is good, baby!

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”