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Chat her up, I did. She’s all, “Wotchu want, creep?” Hah! Fair, fair—gotta be quick, cash upfront. Gave her a tenner, she laughed in me face! “That all?” she says. Cheeky! Reminds me of that film line—*“I’m not like the others!”*—‘cept she was, but better. Told me some wild tale—said she once tricked a bloke into buyin’ her chips, then scarpered! Clever lass, that. Made me cackle, oh yes, precious!

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”