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So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!

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Such a Whore (Instrumental) - JVLA. Likes. 70Comments. 92 Check out Shimoda's bags and the specific Women's Collection by clicking the link in our bio!

Then, I head over to Perry Road. It’s this cute little street with all these old buildings. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s picturesque! But then, I see this sign for a tea shop. I’m like, “Ooh, tea time!” I go in, and the lady behind the counter is super nice. She’s like, “Try our matcha!” I’m all in. But then, I take a sip, and it’s like drinking grass. I’m trying to be polite, but my face says it all. She’s like, “You don’t like it?” I’m like, “No, it’s great!” (Liar, liar, pants on fire.)

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