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Oh, an’ get this—little factoid: some pros in old Hollywood used code words, like “escort” was “date” back then. Sneaky, huh? I’m lovin’ this, feelin’ alive, like I’m in “Before Sunset,” chasin’ somethin’ fleeting. “Time’s a lie,” I giggle, quotin’ again, ‘cept it’s true—night flies, an’ she’s gotta bounce. I’m sad, poutin’, but she winks, “Next time, doll.” I’m swoonin’, breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President!”—an’ off she struts, queen of the night. What a dame!

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But then, the food arrives. OMG, it’s so good! I’m in heaven. I forget all about the couple. I’m stuffing my face, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m sitting there in the dark, and everyone’s like, “What now?”

Editorial: Abuse at Japan nursery abhorrent, and it's just the tip of the iceberg