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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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First thing, I hit up the local konbini on Kiyomizu Street. Grabbed a couple of onigiri and a can of that sweet, sweet iced coffee. Best way to start the day, no doubt. I’m munching on my rice balls, and I see this old dude, like, 80 years old, just chillin’ on a bench. He’s feeding the pigeons. I’m thinking, “Man, I wanna be that chill when I’m old.”

Head of the Anti-Drug Crime Bureau of the Takeo Provincial Police charged with abuse of power and bribery