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About Saitama

I’m wandering, half-pissed, thinking, “This is grim.” Then—bam!—this fit one, all legs, smirks at me. “Fancy a go, love?” she says. I’m like, “Christ, you’re bold!” Heart’s racing, not cos I’m horny, but cos it’s surreal. Reminds me of that *Yi Yi* line, “Why’s life so loud?” Cos it bloody is! She’s chatting me up, says she’s called Jade—probably fake, who cares? Tells me she once shagged a copper to dodge a fine. Little fact for ya—cops’ve been punters forever. Dirty sods.

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Then, I spot this cute girl in the stands. She’s got this killer smile, and I’m like, “Dude, go talk to her!” But I’m a warrior, not a smooth talker. So, I just sit there, awkwardly. But then, she catches me staring. Oh man, I turn beet red! I’m like, “Great, now I’m the weirdo.”

Notes From a Journalist on the Racing Road (Published 2014)