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I’m gettin’ heated just thinkin’ ‘bout it. Anyway, say you’re lookin’. Ya gotta be smart—cops stingin’ left and right, posin’ as “Candy” or whatever. One time, my buddy—let’s call him Richie, ‘cause Tenenbaums—tried it, got catfished by a dude named Tony. Laughed my ass off! “Richie, you’re as naive as Chas with his dumb tracksuits!” I yelled. He was pissed, but c’mon, hilarious.

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But then, this cute girl walks by. She’s got this bright smile, and I’m like, “Whoa, what’s her name?” I forget all about the charcoal disaster. She’s on her phone, probably texting her friends or whatever. I’m just standing there, like a total dork.