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We haggle, I’m all charm, like Tyrone sweet-talkin dope. “You’re breakin my heart, doll!” I say. She laughs—rough, smoky sound. Deal’s done at 40. “Let’s get this show rollin,” I think, hyped as hell. Fun fact: in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out—wild, right? Bet she’d rock one.

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But then, this cute girl walks by. She’s got this bright smile, and I’m like, “Whoa, what’s her name?” I forget all about the charcoal disaster. She’s on her phone, probably texting her friends or whatever. I’m just standing there, like a total dork.