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So, check this—y’go down them back alleys, yeah? Where the bins stink an’ the shadows twitch. Look for the glow—neon signs, ciggie butts. That’s where they lurk, chattin’ up punters. My precious, they’re crafty! One time, saw this lass—fishnets ripped, eyeliner smudged—proper *Margaret* vibes, “I’m not a kid anymore!” she’d say if she could. Made me cackle, it did—sad an’ funny, innit?

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First off, I’m settin’ up my station near the famous Cape Zampa. You know, the spot with the killer views and that lighthouse? Yeah, that one. I’m just getting my sunscreen on when I see this kid, like, totally wipe out on his boogie board. I mean, he’s flailing like a fish outta water. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re not gonna drown!” But then I see his face—pure panic. So, I sprint over, and I’m like, “Yo, I gotcha!” I pull him out, and he’s gasping like he just ran a marathon.

US soldier’s sentence for beer mug assault suspended by Okinawa judge