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Anyways, I’s thinkin’, why’s it so bloody hard? Them girls, they’s everywhere, but not when ya need ‘em! Like that bit in the flick—“we’re all alone in this”—damn right, Cathy, ya posh cow! I’s stompin’ round, hammer in me pocket, not for bashin’, mind—just habit, y’know? This one lass, she pops out, all “Hiya, love!”—nearly shat meself, surprised me good! Skinny as a rail, eyes like a dead fish, but she’s got sass. We likes sass, don’t we, precious?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzed. It was my buddy, Alex. He was like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I thought it was some meme or something. But no, he sent me a video of a cat in a tiny car. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t love a cat in a car? It was the highlight of my day, honestly.

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