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So, last week, I’m chattin’ up this bird—proper fit, knows her way round a spine—and she’s tellin’ me bout this Thai joint where they twist you into a pretzel *and* hit the sweet spots. Got me all tingly, thinkin’ bout it. “Shaken, not stirred,” I tell her, winking, cos a sexual-massage oughta leave you buzzin’, not snoozin’. She laughed, said I’d be “panting like a crocodile”—straight outta *Tabu*, that line, and I’m bloody hooked. Loved it. Made me happy as a pig in shit.

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First stop? My favorite coffee joint, Café Nara. I’m craving that iced Americano. I get there, and the line is like a mile long. Ugh! I’m tapping my foot, trying to be patient, but come on! I’m not a saint. Finally, I get my drink, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I take a sip, and boom! Instant happiness.

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