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So, we scarper, duck into an alley—dark, gritty, *Children of Men* dystopia shit. She’s giggles, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ “This bird’s a riot!” She’s tellin’ me how prossies dodge the coppers—tip: wear a wig, switch it up! Genius, yeah? I’m happy now, buzzin’—Ruby’s a gem, a real dolly bird. “You’re my miracle, Kee!” I blurt, all dramatic-like, channelin’ that movie soul.

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Next, I hit up the Sinan Cultural Center. They got this art exhibit going on. I’m not really an art guy, but I’m curious. I walk in, and it’s all abstract stuff. I’m staring at this painting that looks like a bunch of colors threw up. I’m thinking, “Is this art or a toddler’s finger painting?” But hey, who am I to judge?

Turkish journalist Sinan Aygül convicted for ‘insulting’ men who beat him; attackers get suspended sentences