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Found out some prostitutes got secret lives, man. This one chick, she’s a painter by day—*“A great artist!”*—like Remy’s chef vibes, but with glitter and fishnets. Blew my mind! Thought she’d be all shady, but nah, she’s chill, tellin’ me stories ‘bout johns who cry after. Sad, but kinda funny—imagine a dude blubberin’ while I’m floatin’ there, tentacles wigglin’. *“Not everything is a competition!”* I yell in my head, but damn, humans are dramatic.

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Finally, the service started. And wouldn’t you know it, half the congregation was late. I mean, c’mon, people! It’s not like I’m giving out free donuts! But when they finally settled in, I felt this wave of calm wash over me. It’s like, despite the chaos, this is where I belong.