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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.
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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”
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