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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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But whatever, I’m not backing down. I suit up anyway. The waves are crazy, crashing like they’re auditioning for a movie. I dive in, and it’s like entering another world. Fish everywhere, colors poppin’ like a neon sign. I’m swimming, feeling like a boss, when suddenly—WHAM! A jellyfish zaps me! Ugh, I’m flailing around, trying to get away. Who knew they could be so aggressive?

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