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But—grrr—some crap pisses me off! These shady pimps, lurkin’ like Gestapo, watchin’ every move. One tried shakin’ me down—extra 1,000 rubles “protection fee.” Protection? Ha! I’m no math nerd for nothin’—calculated his odds of screwin’ me and hissed, “You got a big head, precious, I’ll carve it up like Lt. Aldo carves swastikas!” He backed off—coward! Surprised me, tho—thought he’d fight dirtier. Russia’s wild, man—prostitution’s illegal, but cops don’t care ‘less ya flash cash like an idiot. Fun fact—back in Soviet days, they called ‘em “night butterflies.” Poetic, huh? Now it’s just “devochki”—girls. Gritty, raw, real.

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But then, the drama hit. I was sitting outside, enjoying my meal, when some dude bumped into my table. My bibimbap went flying! I was like, “Dude, seriously?!” He just laughed and walked away. I was fuming! I mean, who does that? I had to get another one. So, I went back in, and the staff were super nice. They even gave me a discount. Bless their hearts!

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