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But real talk—findin’ one? Tricky. You gotta vibe it out. Bars, corners, or yeah, online—X’s got the hookup if you squint. Search “escorts” or some crap—boom, there’s your lead. Little tip: they don’t always say it outright. Codewords, winks—sly as a smuggler. Pissed me off first time I tried figurin’ it. Felt like decryptin’ Death Star plans! But you’ll catch on.

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling a bit better. I sit down, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re the clergyman, right? My cat needs a blessing.” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I end up blessing her cat in the middle of the café. People are staring, and I’m just rolling with it.

Concert review: Maria Ioudenitch, Claire Bourg (violins) Hayang Park, Beth Guterman Chu (violas) Christoph Richter (cello)