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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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But then, the real drama started. This guy, Mr. Kim, he was bidding on this vintage vase. I mean, it was beautiful, but he was way too into it. He kept raising his paddle like he was trying to take off. I was like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a vase!” But he was all in.

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