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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.
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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzed. It was my buddy, Alex. He was like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I thought it was some meme or something. But no, he sent me a video of a cat in a tiny car. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t love a cat in a car? It was the highlight of my day, honestly.
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