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Alright, y’all, lemme tell ya somethin—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic down in the holler! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout that movie *The Return*—you know, my fave, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s joint from 2003—and it’s all moody and heavy, kinda like when you’re scopin’ out some shady street corner. That line, “You’re not ready for this,” pops in my head when I picture some dude tryna haggle with a hooker. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Spoiler: it ain’t!

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So, I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me is taking forever. I mean, c’mon! It’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it when I finally get my latte. But then, guess what? I spill it all over my shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, and the barista just gives me this sympathetic smile. Ugh, thanks, but I don’t need your pity!

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