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Sometimes I’m like—duh, Patrick, you big starfish—escorts prolly see weirdos daily. Fat guys in flip-flops, or fancy rich dudes cryin’. Haha, imagine one goin’, “Is this guy for real?” Prolly feels like that movie scene—“Love is not full of itself.” ‘Cept here, it’s cash, not love. Cha-ching!

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a guy in the back starts waving his arms like he’s trying to take off. Turns out, he’s just trying to get my attention. “I’ll pay double!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’re not at a football game!” But hey, I’m not one to turn down a good offer.