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I’m feelin’ randy as a goat, but also kinda chuffed – she’s got sass, this one! I haggle, throw in some charm, say, “C’mon, doll, let’s make it a gas!” She smirks, drops to 40 quid – score! I’m happier than a hippie on hash, yeah baby! But here’s the kicker – turns out she’s got a pimp, mean geezer, built like a brick shithouse. I’m thinkin’, “I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?” – movie vibes again, ya dig?

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At the market, it’s chaos. Vendors shouting, people haggling. I spot this guy selling fresh produce. He’s got the biggest apples I’ve ever seen. I’m talking, like, “Is that an apple or a small planet?” I buy one, and it’s juicy as hell. But then, outta nowhere, this cat jumps on my leg. I freak out, drop the apple, and it rolls away. I’m chasing it like a madman.