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What gets me mad? Them prudes shamin’ it. Like, chill, it’s been around forever – Japan’s got this thing, “nurumassage,” slidin’ all over ya with gel, sounds dope, right? Been a thing since way back. Me, I’m thinkin’, “Live ya life, haters!” Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but damn, let folks enjoy what they enjoy. In my head, I’m like, “Apollo’s breakin’ all the rules, baby!” Sexual-massage could be art if ya let it – hands dancin’, tension meltin’, “I must break you” style.

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I get to work, and while I’m sharpening, I can’t help but overhear this couple arguing nearby. They’re on the corner of Schulstraße, and it’s getting heated. I mean, like, “You forgot my birthday!” and “I can’t believe you did that!” I’m just there, trying to focus, but it’s like a soap opera. I’m half tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, guys, how about some sharp knives to cut the tension?”

Matt Schellenberg latest big name to run for Tommy Hazouri's old Jacksonville City Council seat