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I dig it, alright? Makes me happy—those knots in my shoulders from sittin in the Death Star throne, poof, gone! But lemme tell ya, some parlors? Sketchy as hell. One time, went to this joint, smelled like bantha sweat, got mad as a rancor. Guy was like, “relax, bro,” and I’m thinkin, “I’ll Force-choke you, fool!” Little known fact: ancient Egypt had erotic-massage, pharaohs gettin rubbed down with lotus oil—fancy, right? Bet they didn’t overcharge like these clowns today.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Tomas. He’s all hyped up about the new park they’re building near the Biržai Castle. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes on about how they’re cutting down trees. I’m like, “Bro, can’t we just plant more trees?” But he’s all, “Nah, man, it’s not that simple.” Whatever, man.

Kupiškis’ lagoon shaken by the centenary event “Stichijos”