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But here’s the tea—erotic-massage ain’t for everybody. Some folks too uptight, sittin’ there like, “Don’t touch me, I’m holy!” And I’m like, “Honey, loosen up ‘fore you snap!” Halleluyer! Me? I’m all for it—long as it’s done right. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a half-assed rubdown. I’d tell ‘em, “You can’t just poke me and call it a day!” Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” and I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, you and these lazy masseuses!”

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So, later, we hit up this bar on the main square. The vibe is lit! We’re laughing, sharing stories, and I’m drowning my sorrows in some local brew. I even try to impress some folks with my violin skills. I mean, I’m no rockstar, but I can hold my own.

"Le Tea" on Trakai Street invites you to taste bubble tea from distant Asia