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I’ll be back, I told myself—motivatin’, right? She was hustlin’, dodgin’ cops, real sly. Fun fact: oldest job ever, prostitution! Ancient Rome, they had brothels, fancy ones. Called ‘em lupanars’—wolf dens, ha! How badass is that? This chick, tho, no fancy den. Just cold streets, fishnets rippin’. Made me sad, man, like Haku losin’ his river. “You’re more than this!” I wanna yell.

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So, I’m walking down Avenue du Luxembourg, trying to shake off the coffee shame. I see this cute little park, Parc de Bertrange. I’m like, “Let’s take a breather.” I plop down on a bench, and guess what? A squirrel decides I’m its new best friend. It’s literally inches from my face, staring me down. I’m like, “Bro, back off!” But it just twitches its little nose. I’m half-expecting it to ask for my croissant.

Pedestrian killed in gruesome road accident