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So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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Then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my snack, and they’re making a scene. I can’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they’re fighting over where to eat. Classic Cimislia dilemma. “Let’s go to La Căsuța!” “No, I want pizza!” I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Man, just flip a coin!”

Moldovan premier visits social centre from Cimislia district village