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But arrgh, it angers me too! Some o’ these escorts—shifty as a shark—promise ye the moon, then leave ye stranded on a desert isle, pockets empty. Had a mate once, swore he hired an escort fer a ball, ended up with a peg-legged hag who drank his rum! Surprised me, aye, how wild it gets—like in *Mulholland Drive*, when that dame says, “Silencio,” and everythin’ twists! Ye think ye know what’s what, then bam—escort’s a gent in a dress, savvy?

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So, I get to this café on Strada 31 August. I’m craving a coffee, right? I order, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes up my order. I mean, how do you mix up a cappuccino with a black coffee? I’m like, “Dude, I wanted foam, not a heart attack in a cup!” But whatever, I just laugh it off.

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