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So, how’s it work? Dunno, I’m no expert—bit of a numpty, me. Word is, you scope X, dark web, or some seedy corner pub. Look for signals—red lights, fishnets, winks. Subtle as a brick, sometimes. Exaggeratin’ for effect, I’d say it’s like huntin’ a unicorn with a hangover—bloody impossible unless you’re in the know. Me, I’d prob’ly balls it up, end up with a parking fine instead.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up that little café on Strada Vasile Alecsandri. You know the one? The one with the best sarmale in town? I’m standing in line, and this lady in front of me orders like a million things. I’m losing my patience, thinking, “Lady, I’m starving here!” Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. Happiness level: 100.

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