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But serious, what pisses me off? The judgy jerks—oh, “she’s trash,” they say. Trash? She’s survivin’! “Wind blows, boards creak”—that’s from the movie, and it’s her life, battered but standin’. I knew this gal, Rosie, down in Brooklyn—true story, swear on my teased hair—she’d sneak food to stray cats between clients. Heart o’ gold, that one. Made me happy, like, “Aw, Rosie, you’re a saint!” Surprised me too—thought she’d be all tough, but nope, softie.

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After the show, I’m on cloud nine. I’m high-fiving fans, takin’ selfies, and just soaking it all in. Funadhoo, you crazy little island, you’ve got my heart.

President heads to Sh. Funadhoo and N. Holhudhoo