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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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Next, I head over to the market on the main street. You know, the one with all the fresh fish and fruits? I need to clear my head. I grab some tuna, and this lady tries to sell me a bunch of bananas. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she insists. “Best in Thinadhoo!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a broker, not a monkey!”

Thinadhoo city status dispute to be redirected to Civil Court