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So, last week—ooh, I was steamed! Bart says, “Mom, why ya stressin’?” ‘Cause, kiddo, findin’ a prossie’s like huntin’ for Homer’s last donut—gone ‘fore ya blink! I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these gals postin’ pics—fishnets, lipstick, the works. One chick’s bio says, “50 bucks, no weirdos.” I’m like, hmm… define “weirdos,” lady! Prolly means no one like Mr. Burns—creepy old coot’d scare her off!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles. I’m soaked, but I’m laughin’ like a maniac. “This is just my luck!” I shout. People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m just livin’ my best life, right?

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