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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, got a tale ‘bout findin’ a prostitute—yep, them lasses o’ the night! Now, I ain’t no saint, but I reckon it’s a bit like me favorite flick, *12 Years a Slave*. “I will survive, I will not fall into despair!”—that’s what I says when I’m dodgin’ the law, lookin’ for a wench in Tortuga’s grimy alleys.

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But then, just as I’m getting all sentimental, my phone buzzes. It’s my editor, freaking out about a deadline. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a heartwarming moment here!” But no, he’s all, “Get your story in NOW!” So, I rush outta the café, half my cappuccino still in my hand.

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