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What pisses me off? The cheek of it! Blokes think it’s easy – stroll up, cash out, sorted. Bollocks! There’s codes, mate. You don’t just grab arse and go. Once saw this geezer haggled too hard – prossie spat in his face! Laughed me tits off – “That’s a kill shot!” I shouted, straight outta the movie. Deserved it, the cheap prick.

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences