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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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Then, I decide to take a walk down de Zandweg. It’s a nice street, but the puddles are like mini lakes. I’m dodging them like I’m in some weird video game. And then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a knight in shining armor. I help her out, and she’s all smiles. Makes my day, honestly.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences