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Privet, comrade! Sex-dating, huh? Cold game, pure stats. Like actuary tables—risks, rewards, chaos. You swipe, you fuck, you ghost. Simple, da? Watched “A History of Violence” again—Tom Stall bangs wife on stairs, brutal shit. Reminds me of sex-dating—quiet guy, then bam, animal unleashed. “You’re a lying sack of shit,” she’d say if you flake. Hah!

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After a couple of hours of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it running. I’m feeling like a hero, ya know? But then, I step outside for a breather, and it starts pouring. I mean, come on! It’s like the sky’s crying for me. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences