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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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Finally, I start my presentation. I’m talking about stocks, bonds, all that jazz. But halfway through, I notice this dude in the back, totally zoned out. Like, bro, I’m pouring my heart out here! I’m trying to keep it lively, throwing in some jokes, but he’s just staring at his phone. Rude! I mean, I get it, finance isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but c’mon!

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