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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and I head to my first meeting on de Bovenweg. I’m pumped, ready to help this couple plan their future. But guess what? They’re late. Like, really late. I’m sitting there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve been at home watching Netflix instead. Finally, they stroll in, all casual, like they didn’t just make me wait half an hour. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “Seriously?!”

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